Free Advice

A few days ago I had lunch at a newly renovated hotel in downtown Washington with an old colleague, by which I mean both someone I have known for many years and someone beyond age 60--not that 60 signifies anything in particular for someone, like myself, who is a mere 58. The conversation touched on many things in no particular order, as a midweek Washington luncheon conversation should. We both have new books; that took some time, each of us complaining in turn about what readers don't read, editors don't review, and publishers don't help with. At one point, I don't know why, I expressed some sense of being more tired lately than I remember and would like to be. My friend, who will remain unnamed for an excellent reason that will become clear in a second, offered me empathetic counsel based on his own experience: "Slim down at the gym, shave off your beard, and get a mistress. Does wonders."

"What does wonders--which one, I mean?", I asked.

"All three," he replied.

This is not the sort of advice I get every day, or even every decade. It's true: This friend was not born and raised in the United States (or Britain), and so that may help explain the novelty. My reaction, immediate and unshakable, was that "this is impossible."

"Which one?", he asked.

"All three," I answered, and it's true. But I like to think that either going to the gym regularly or shaving the beard would be hardest.

The lunch was overpriced; the advice free. Do you really get what you pay for?